Monthly Archives: April 2013

Life in Motion

Everyday I see unspoken words from people’s faces,

Walking on the streets, strangers to everyone’s senses.

I feel they all choose to pick the one that is safest.

They hide behind a mask, living outside the curtains.

 

A father went home wearing his coat and tie,

Kissing his daughter Myles as the clock strikes nine.

Every night he lies awake thinking beside his sleeping wife,

How was he able to stand and live a life of a lie?

 

It’s rather amusing how it feels like

That I can hide in plain sight.

Past the roads and empty streets,

Concealed behind the crowded geeks.

 

People come and people go.

Seems like for them, it’s only a show.

A scheme no one will know.

Except the ones who control the flow.

 

The director says what to do,

The writer dictates what to say,

The camera starts to roll,

The actors come into play.

 

Dance under the rain, and watch the stars collide,

Be one with the world and it’ll speak by your side.

A whisper of the Mother, a friendly advice,

For her words, it shall open your eyes.

 

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In The Eyes of Another

Another truthful gaze, he started to raise

The questions in his head while I look him in the face.

He blabbered words, lines that I can’t make sense

Watching him leaving this reality’s pretense.

 

With an outcry, his thoughts set the world on fire.

Of the universe, he felt them all conspire,

Against him, against everyone else.

Seeing them all light up and burn to themselves.

 

He left the rage and watch him stand up,

Took him a seat and brought him a cup,

Of water with ice on the sides

As he stare at me with those beady eyes.

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I just realized I was taken to a dream

A madman’s fantasy heating with steam,

A reality entirely different from my own,

Something I know of, forgotten, engraved in stone.

 

After he’s done, he started to lean closer,

To my ear as if anyone will dare to come nearer,

And hear him speak as he dropped the tone,

He threw the cup to the mirror, it broke and I am alone.


Something I Hide

At times like this, I stay awake writing thoughts in my head.

Tonight is different. Nothing special. Just different.

I have no one else to talk to so I’d rather spill what’s in my mind here.

I’m writing this to let me feel that someone’s listening. To fool myself that someone is eager to know my case. Even though there’s no response, I’m taking my chances for someone to hear my helpless voice.

Because I feel locked up. No one’s trying to help and it’s been years of struggle. Much have I said that my chains are unbound but no. I say that I am free but no. I don’t know if it’s only me. Exposing myself in plain sight is not my thing but I guess I have no choice. I already went through this point of no return.

I try to be happy. Everyone tells me that. Move on. Yeah, but it’s never that easy for me. Judge me. Tell me I’m weak, a coward, a douche or a fucking asshole, it doesn’t matter. I’ve been through that. I’m expert in making a whole total shit out of myself. These chains seem to grip much tighter around my neck.

It’s asphyxiating. You have nowhere to go. You have no one to talk to. Some friends are busy. Some don’t understand and will just leave you to rot. Help screams from within and this is an echo. A cry that’s ricocheting around these four walls I’m into. Words that have been plaguing my mind for almost a lifetime.

That is if I still wake up tomorrow. Sometimes I wish I shouldn’t have. Death has been standing by my side for a long time now. He whispers things in my ear. Words that few would talk about. Words others fear to talk about. Words that can lead me to his place. I always try to ignore him. His voice just booms whenever I’m alone but I’m used to it. The only thing I hate is that it’s an eternal struggle for me to stand back up. I’m always caught in the middle of the process of rebuilding myself when I’ll just break down. And you don’t know how it feels. How every inch of sweat you poured into that confidence. That smile I’ve always wanted to show to everybody. To show that I can, too, such as themselves, to be positive. To show them all that I can do it by myself. But before I even place my feet on the ground, before I could stand tall and proud, the pressure builds up and pushes me back down. Countless of times, have I fell on my hands and knees. I’m searching for valid reasons but they seem to evade me.

I can’t open the door. The windows are too little. The light I see is only coming from the extreme darkness this room is projecting. It’s too dark. I’m not sure if day even exists out there.

Is the sun still shining bright?

Can I still wave and greet the moon: Hi?

Do the seas still crash its waves to the rocks?

Will the sky be peaceful once rain stopped to fall?

Can I still recognize the face who will look at me in the mirror?

Will I still remember the faces who stood by my side?

Can I still feel how it’s like to feel?

Do they still help people behind these doors?

Will the light shine my face bright as I inhale the calming breeze of your breath?

Will you accept me for who I have become?

Could you spare some time and talk with me when I came back?

Would you free me from these chains that bound me to myself?

Are you seeing me?

Can you hear my call?

Do you see my tears?

They’re shouting for help.

I’m hearing his voice again…


Mirror of Sanity

I swore on the stars.

You left me to die.

You cut through my skin,

And twisted the knife.

 

With bloodless vein, I breathe.

With each vain breath, I glimpse,

A face of perfection I loathe,

And died for to see.

 

Scratching my eyes out,

Wanting to be free.

From the grasp of this demon,

Inside that’s pushing me in.

 

So cunning, he is.

With each moon that pass,

He is free.

Someone I’m afraid to be.

 

Such beautiful face,

He lured me inside.

A face of another,

Whom I used to love and never defy.

 

She walked closely, bringing me in.

Yet, a fool I was touching her skin.

There was a spark,

A knife,

At my throat.

Where she,

My devil and myself, 

Left me on my own blood to soak.

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Different Perspective

Walking with one eye open.

Holding on to your name.

Staring to the wall I’ve broken.

Your face is still beautifully the same.

 

Breaking the memories with flooded tears.

Clouding your smiles with searing pain.

Suffocating your voices with muffled cries.

Smashing your eyes with pitch-black stain.

 

I’ve gone through a bridge of ice,

Seeing as you go.

You laughed until you cried,

And set the fire to show.

 

The dark in your sleep.

The poison as you speak.

Has been walking through my dreams,

Waking me up and dancing me to sleep.

 

It’s crazy, I know.

How you turn on the lights,

And catch my attention.

How you pull me under myself,

And put worthy thoughts in my head.

 

But how was i supposed to be found?

When I only want to be lost in your eyes.

I never realized it’s pointless,

And you would never shed a tear when I die.

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One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Have I killed enough stares?

Have I told enough tales?

Have I wasted enough ink?

Knowing you’re just another memory left to drink.

 

You’re priceless than time.

You’re worth more than my life.

For this piece is for you alone.

So hear this tragic song.

 

It is not pointless to say,

It is you that I adore.

I am putting this message in a bottle,

Throw it from the shore,

Hoping that someday,

You’ll realize that I could show you more.

 

You are my life.

My agony screaming from my lungs.

A past that never was.

A tear of memory that could last for centuries.

And this poem’s irregularity,

Shall speak of me,

As who I could never be.

 

The strings were cut and I want to shout.

A story of us no one could tell about.

Sealed by your lips,

A glimpse from your eyes.

I could hold your hand,

Until I die by your side.

 

All but my words are futile,

Fate has banished me to this cell.

How pathetic of me to desire for you,

As I scream your name inside the halls of myself.

A boy in distress, annoying and fool.

Who dares to write such a forbidden lore.

 

There is not much to see to this.

It’s a moment when I confessed,

But neither do I expect, nor require,

To hear a response from the other side.

Much has been said and now is the time,

For me to go back and stop ruining lives.

 

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Linamosa

I want to paint your face.

Draw your smile and calming haze.

Fill your eyes with royal tone.

Color your hair as the moon shone.

 

You’ll be a princess,

With my brush as the witness,

I’ll hold you above everyone.

Make you feel you mean more than the sun.

 

I’ll erase the scars they left in lead.

Replace it with brilliance, you’ll shine instead,

A smile with nothing to hide, 

Without pain, no, but joy inside.

 

Forgive my insolence.

I am just a fool soul

Searching for the world’s wonders.

A slave of your presence.

But worry not, 

I shall cause no scratches,

To the beauty, your highness possess.

 

A hopeless poet begging for the signs,

Saw the light behind your eyes.

They speak of the saddest lines,

A poet could write.

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The Princess and Momo

Filling these pages with ink,

Verses that paint you alone.

Your voice is all I could think.

It’s written by heart that’s made of stone.

 

Soft auburn hair dancing under the stars,

You twirl in your dress; the hem touching the grass.

Sparkling eyes gleaming under the moonlight.

Keeping your smile, I watch, far away from sight.

 

Moon tempts me from screaming your perfection,

Absolute elegance and gracefulness,

Touched with a little bit of madness.

You’re something I long for, my dear princess…


The Riddle of Smiles

2:30am The clock is ticking and I can’t seem to find sleep.

I am not even sure if I want to sleep. My thoughts are racing like snow avalanche. As my eyes dart to an object to another, the train of thought embraces a sudden stop and the force it left blew the remaining ideas away like a shockwave.

Now I am left alone again where I was but always will be.

I stood up and looked at the mirror. It feels strange. I always think that somehow, I forget what I look like. It is not vanity what I feel everytime I catch myself looking at my face in the mirror but mystery because that person who’s looking at me right now does not tell me anything much about himself. He’s hiding something.

The face in the mirror smiled.

I touched my lips. It’s doing the same thing. I wonder what caused this involuntary movement.

Positivity doesn’t exist at this moment. The mere silence of the atmosphere is what binds me to the absence of time where sleep is forbidden.

Yet I hear it…the ticking of the clock.

I grabbed my pen and paper and started writing my fantasy.

Then, I felt it.

As the ink touches the parchment, I saw a place inside my head where birds sing in the meadows and the sun is brightly lit up the sky giving warmth to the grass and trees as the flowers sway to the cool summer breeze.

My vision flew past the soothing sight and I found myself sitting by the edge of the cliff, overlooking the calming sea. The current drags the waves to the rocks beneath me and then, I saw it. I saw Peace. The only thing that never sleeps. Forgotten along the beauty of the waves bringing itself back and forth to the land but it can’t.

It’s helplessness brought me to my knees and peered down the tiny piece of land I am holding to. I want to let it consume the earth. Own the lands. Then the soil beneath me began to crumble.

The cliff lowered itself to a shore and I found myself kneeling on wet soil and grass.

It didn’t stopped.

I ran back to the meadow. The land continued to descend, bringing along all what’s in it. A flood is coming. The sea is swallowing the land. The waves are after me. The flowers disappeared. The birds took refuge to the sky and they all watch me as I stop myself from jumping off on the other side of the land. Death awaits me forty feet high above the waters.

I looked back and watch how Peace brought it’s wrath upon the land as I ready myself to take flight below the sky of the seas.


Espoir

Nobody understands.

Everyday in his life are memories etched in every self-inflicted scars where the it wants it to be.

“It feeds with pain,” he says “So let them indulge upon me. I am their master.”

Years passed and he is tired of crying anymore. He is too damaged to cry. Now, it only seems that pain has abandoned him. Numb from grief of everyday’s fucked-up disorder. A mouth sealed shut, not wanting to be wrong, nor be heard for he himself was a terrible mistake the world has to offer. A rock sitting by the pavement. Invisible, behind those smiles. Eyes longing for attention and understanding. Yet, he sits by his bedroom window, looking at the constellations and counting his dead dreams and for another time, he takes again the razors and proceed to let himself feel again. To feel in the midst of numbness. To show these four walls how he struggles to survive in this world he cannot comprehend.

Loneliness has cast a void upon him. A hole that can never be filled. A bottomless pit. It is the place of solace where time does not exist. Just another abstraction of nature that consumes insanity.

Dreams are the only thing that keeps him going. As a small being in this world, he knows, he can make a change. He can change. He had fallen countless of times. Hit the ground with bloody forehead and lips. His wrists trailing with crimson ink.

He caught a drip of blood with his fingers and wrote on the walls of his mind,

“This madness too shall cease and will forever be buried under the depths of my consciousness. I know this all too shall pass and when the time comes, I will be ready to break this walls and shout to the world how I could turn this planet on the tips of my fingers and hold it against the galaxies to show how a little trash could be an asset to this reality. I have lived and will continue living for tomorrow. I have broken the chains that binds me to this rotting Hell.”

As he wrote the last words, the space has begun to crumble, falling under the vast void surrounding him. He stood on an empty space, where he is among the stars of the universe and its alluring beauty. So he started to make what has become.

Because perception is everything.