Tag Archives: Lost

Insomnia

“Soon, this will be just an awful memory.
Will I ever be able to sleep again?”
 
– Curse of the Virgin Canvas, Alesana
 
 

Last night, you didn’t sleep.

Your messages were answered

by mechanical silence.

On the day of the first

when people bring back

the memories of the dead.

 

Last night, sleep was a poison.

In which I slept and fed upon

and it crawled through your anger

and ate our soul like a knife

splitting everything in two

and blurring our sight.

 

I’d thought of taking pills

but remedies aren’t solution

to this scene of motion-sickness

brought upon the rides we had shared

up and down to sides and all the way around

in a fun fair of roller coasters every night and day

where the air muffled our screams and cries

six-feet deep below the ground with

one of our feet beneath the hole

as if we are trying to crawl

in our respective caskets

and ready ourselves

as our hearts break

for one more time

again and leave

ourselves

at piece.

 

Last night became a summary

of emotions, of laughter and cries,

longing and goodbyes. Indifference, to flight

as I was high above the sky and you

pulled me close after listening to the music

woven by metaphors of day and night

and of suns and moons.

 

Last night was a living dream,

a disaster and a night mare

that could put us both in an

endless startled gaze.

Stunned and motionless.

Eyes unwavering

as we looked into the distance

That kept us apart

and brought forth

the sleepless nights you’ve had

and come into an argument

I wish I never lacked.

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Receding In A Negative Narrative

It’s not the time to seek refuge

to the fulfilling peace brought by razors

and delicately harness the pain from my thoughts

until I cry out your name in anguished voice.

 

The words are cutting deep

to my chest and the heavens felt

how pathetic my state have become

yet you’re an angel surrounding me

inside this hole of uncertainty.

 

My life is hanging on a balance to support

the weight you’re placing on one side

as those feelings weigh a ton

and I spring upwards to the sky

and fell down with scraped knees and broken bones.

 

But I wrote this piece in cheap words

to better exemplify the pain

along with the sound of the rain

and its waters running along to the path of your name.

And it’s not easy to see

how everything I feel could be

resonating inside your head

and realize how drastic I could get.

 

But I keep hoping that I’d see you again

and if the seraphs forbid, you would sweetly look into my eyes

and slowly melt the thing I held close to my limbs

and quickly look away after seeing my deluded dreams

and I would never utter a word.

I’ll walk past by knowing that

second glances don’t mean anymore

unless that it’s something that I am yearning for

such as that of those pair of eyes you own imbued with glamour.

 

You could have me as I am.

As of someone that would be there to understand

and I may not have anything that most men have in common

but I’m always be here for a shoulder to lean on.

How I can always be an open novel

that you could rip and tear its pages

that doesn’t care if you broke its spine–

or have its cover resigned

along with the title that is screaming of more than just words

passing meaningless to your course–

that could be sold in a cheap price on a store

and leave me for someone that deserves you more

as to how a child replaces his toys, outgrowing them of bore.

 

These dying words shall tell you how I keep struggling

to keep pacing with the signs you’re making

visible to my heart’s blind eyes

impaired by the night’s confusing lights

that once led me to your presence

and turn me to this monster’s statement of defense

as a story no one could ever understand

and possibly the last thing I could say

before I start to let go of your hand,

because the music never stops from making you sway

from the melodies only you know how to play.

But I’ll keep listening to the pattern of the tone

and mess with the chords

and compose my own

and sing to you the madness

you won’t forget to ask me how to perform.

 

Amidst of all these pain, I’ll stay

even I’ll live with a life, forever feeling gray

of these things that are purely inside my mind

won’t cease to manifest as you crawl back and forth in this head

that could shatter almost everything that I own

because I am used in to being torn

and after all, I’m just a lost boy

with scraped knees and broken bones.


A Calling for Eternal Slumber

And I could talk to the moon every night

About the things we cannot grasp

About how we struggle to keep chasing

The sun we dream to have

 

We burn bridges instead of creating them

We isolate ourselves to the things we love the most

Fearing that someday we’ll regret

How we lost the things that keeps us who we are

 

Until we lose every part of ourselves

Bit by bit tearing us apart

Until the fire burns us to ashes

Slowly drifting to the memories of the wind

 

Every single thing you own will fade

Every single friend you love won’t stay

But neither of these, I have none

But only a single person, the epitome of my existence

 

Yet the things we desire are the ones out of reach

It’ll dare you to jump to the ocean

And swim to the farthest island

And no one will care if you reach it alive or not

 

So I pretend not to care if she’ll stay or not

In my life, though she’s not my possession

Yet her her presence is enough

To stir my emotions

 

How many times I tore myself apart longing for her

But I cannot because I have myself

A problem no one sees, hear or feel

A problem neither I could comprehend

 

How Nobody feels my agony beneath my lungs

How Nobody sees me alone inside the darkness of my mind

How Nobody hears the screams of my desperate plea

Against the course of madness in me spinning for eternity

 

I have this empty space in me where my heart was once filed

This hole of emptiness shall be filled with my muffled cries

So high that it would be my steps to reach the sky and face the new day with a smile

In return to the past I traversed a hundred million miles.

 

For the things I choose to forget and those who left me alone

I would not need my heart again for all of you shall be written in stone

As this person who writes behind words, tears begins to foam

For at last, his visions is now what he calls home.