Monthly Archives: May 2013

Gemini

 

As if staring down the sands of the shore,

Lying under the dull sunlight once more

Feeling your hand caress the grains

And seeing a shell reveal itself as it begins to rain

 

And it may be difficult to understand

How this message is bottled up into words

Of phrases stacked with duly importance

That one may sing and dance along with chords

 

Hold the ones you dear close to you

Never let go as much as they want and force you to

Flash a smile at everyone that passes you through

And plant love to anyone and don’t let itself undo

 

I may be blind but now I can see through the eyes of myself and everyone else

How I am as beautiful as you and so are others that are holding us close to their hearts

Leaving us wondering inside the corners of our heads how we felt

Those times we remember the moments we left ourselves to their arms at rest.

 

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Mea Culpa

I should be sound asleep but the blade is cutting deep

To the bone like carving a stone with words to the chorus of this verse

Under my skin, stitching up the seams while holding my body inside this hearse

And closing my eyes to see the far cry from the mist to the seas

 

I straightened up my tie and walked to the driver’s seat to deliver my body to the grave

To finally lay and refuse to stay to this world of people who can’t be saved

I hear a shout. A scream from the house that’s drowned with tears:

“I know you’re still there! You just can’t leave us! It’s not fair!”

 

I reached for the rear-view mirror, seeing them cry under the sun that shines

I know I shouldn’t, I’m still here and I couldn’t go back

To the family who loved, cared and raised me to be

But neither of what they gave, I never replaced and thought of giving back

 

So inside the coffin, my body lies, uttering no word for a goodbye, as I take the wheel and the tires screech as a cry

For them, the people that do me good and forever by my side, they stood

Leaving them disappearing by the horizon, I sped and ready myself to die

As I maneuver the hearse, my lifeless body and driving thoughts spilled to a memory as I try to shed a tear for my last goodbye

 


Trade Mistakes

My mind is running on Limbo.

This day is dull, yet it’s bright. It’s like I’m living a life covered in fog. I know something is wrong but my vision is blurred by something I cannot fully comprehend. The time is still, yet the hands of the clock move and I can hear it’s annoying ticking sound every second as if it’s mocking me. As if I can hear time laughing at me, looking at me directly in the face trying to make sense of what is happening around me. Then, I’ll realize that the time I spent thinking was wasted because I’ll come out with nothing. Not even a trace of reason behind this gray feeling when you just want life to pass by and stare at the strands of time that passes every minute.

I feel like I’ve been too ahead of time the past week and all that is left for me to do at this moment is absolutely nothing. It’s as if I already used my time for this week in the past week, yet I always feel like I have to do more things than the allocated time for a day. I need more time and I’m being impatient. Yes. That may be it.

I’m rushing things and I know I shouldn’t. We can’t buy more time in our lives so I feel like rushing it. I want to do more things than this life has to offer. I want to learn more but reality hits me hard when death proudly presents itself in my mind.

Everyone says that everything comes at the right time so I almost always spend my time thinking when in the near future could possibly be that right time to exist. And there it goes. I keep missing it.

Thinking too much isn’t helping either. I don’t like being limited so I always push towards the boundaries and it has been a habit I cannot undo.

Being too much ahead of everything isn’t something I should keep on doing. And now is the time to do things right.

Blend in the society while weaving the world into words and create influence. There’s always a room for a change because Time is never still.


A Detour to the Beginning

Every night he sees himself die. An endless false awakening. A series of tragedies of how in every possible way he could see how his life would end. The nightmares are always so vivid, it all felt as if it were all real. Yet, how sure he was? He’s not quite sure anymore.

His reality is now twisted into several different mindblowing forms of his imagination. The world is a different place, crafted by his own mind. Everything is not what it seems. Everything has been replaced by something else entirely. Something has taken hold of his thoughts and it is all nothing but a game he constantly plays. No, reality is not conforming with the world itself. He his bending the world to his own reality.

Every day, he wakes up in a different place. A place he was never been before. His memories fail to take hold for he cannot recognize the place he grew up with people one may call a family. Yet, they’re all strangers to him.

Always reaching for a door, looking for a place to escape, to hide, to seek freedom from something that isn’t after him. A futile goal that would lead him nowhere but back to his madness. Fleeing from himself for all eternity.

Run. It’s all that he could do, but not all what he’s capable of. Sure another day would last with his fear chasing him. He will survive a day. He will always survive. Because he is never tired, as well as his other self who wears the mask of fear. The latter won’t go for the kill. He cannot for he exist to be vanquished and he knows that. That’s why he’s after his other half so that he can peacefully rest but the path they are taking is not for the courageous.

Our hero is nothing but a coward who prolongs his suffering. Drenched in sweat, he would still find every hole he could see and stick his whole body in it even if it crushes his bones and there he will slumber and dream.

He’ll die. Wake up and continue running from himself.


Cold Summer Nights

And I’m writing for you tonight

To remember your eyes that once burn bright

And these words that are left unsaid

Shall keep you to your sleep instead

 

But are you safe now?

The things you threw off of your shelves

The memories we missed

The moments that we shared

Will stay by my side and keep me contained

Until you say those words that will free me from myself

The truth that you despise every inch of me

And loathe the moment we first met

So you won’t look away everytime our eyes set

On each other fixated by the haunting past I brought to you

 

The times of regret that I filled

Were deeply situated on sorrows

Whereas I can no longer see your smile

That once kept me to this untainted wisps of time

 

But you’re finally free

Yet you can’t stand looking at me

And these summer nights

Will keep haunting me

As I rest assured you’re sound asleep

Dreaming of him that deserves you more

Than my worthless screams

Echoing behind these doors

 

And have you know I am wasted?

We share dark pasts that can no longer last

Because the strings were cut by me with broken trusts

And those promises…are they still there?

Those crying words that left their stare

I’ve broken you and it’s not fair

 

I’m letting you know that I’m okay

Still living a nightmare even if you will stay

Because I know deep inside this gaping hole

Where my heart supposed to be

Lies the amount of sadness 

I know you couldn’t keep

And let me carry the burden myself

As you search for another

A man you deserve

Who will treat you well 

And kiss you to sleep

To drive the monsters away

As you dream blissfully tonight

And me praying you’re safe.


A Calling for Eternal Slumber

And I could talk to the moon every night

About the things we cannot grasp

About how we struggle to keep chasing

The sun we dream to have

 

We burn bridges instead of creating them

We isolate ourselves to the things we love the most

Fearing that someday we’ll regret

How we lost the things that keeps us who we are

 

Until we lose every part of ourselves

Bit by bit tearing us apart

Until the fire burns us to ashes

Slowly drifting to the memories of the wind

 

Every single thing you own will fade

Every single friend you love won’t stay

But neither of these, I have none

But only a single person, the epitome of my existence

 

Yet the things we desire are the ones out of reach

It’ll dare you to jump to the ocean

And swim to the farthest island

And no one will care if you reach it alive or not

 

So I pretend not to care if she’ll stay or not

In my life, though she’s not my possession

Yet her her presence is enough

To stir my emotions

 

How many times I tore myself apart longing for her

But I cannot because I have myself

A problem no one sees, hear or feel

A problem neither I could comprehend

 

How Nobody feels my agony beneath my lungs

How Nobody sees me alone inside the darkness of my mind

How Nobody hears the screams of my desperate plea

Against the course of madness in me spinning for eternity

 

I have this empty space in me where my heart was once filed

This hole of emptiness shall be filled with my muffled cries

So high that it would be my steps to reach the sky and face the new day with a smile

In return to the past I traversed a hundred million miles.

 

For the things I choose to forget and those who left me alone

I would not need my heart again for all of you shall be written in stone

As this person who writes behind words, tears begins to foam

For at last, his visions is now what he calls home.


The Sculptor

Isn’t this what you had hoped for?

Another starling gaze for me to break.

Your hero is washed away with sadness

Trembling to speak

With fire that you cast before his eyes

He is shivering to his knees.

Isn’t this what you want me to be?

Another tale of serene longing for a treasure so priceless

Of diamond eyes screaming in pain

Wretched, lifeless and lives under hidden mercy

So to speak, a figure of porcelain

Cold as ice breathing in flames.

Isn’t this what you want me to see?

You wear my heart on your sleeve

Collecting dust that you don’t even bother to clean

So I open this body from inside and out

Realizing a part of me is missing.

You took what’s not yours and I don’t even know that it’s there.

I guess this is what you would like to see.

Happily tearing myself apart

Like I am nothing but skin and bones

With my blood and soul crashing to your eyes

Screeching in panic for your attention

Even dying by your side for my resolution.

And by trying so painfully, I destroyed myself.

Falling to the piercing walls of a cliff

My skin is nothing but blood turned cold

And my mind is that of a gargoyle stone

With nothing to think but its maker

Trapped to a place so high and bathing in rain as his tears.


The Surge of an Outcry

It’s a very tiring day even though the the Sunday sun has not yet shown itself. Dawn is fast approaching and he is lost in his own thoughts. His chest barely giving him enough air for every breath he takes that would suffice the need of his hungry mind. And on the dark corner of his room he sits, embracing his legs and placing his chin on his knees. 

The blanket and pillows are sprawled all across his bedroom floor. The faint moonlight coming from the open window is sending chilly wisps of air inside that empty room. Inside that emptiness where he choose to stay.

Calming yet, it bothers him. The peaceful atmosphere bothers him because he is afraid that he might be dead. Even for a second his mind cannot comprehend the sterile gaze of that pair of eyes looking at him. Veiled beneath the mask of void of darkness around him. He is not inside his bedroom. He is not in his house but somewhere in this world where he has the key. A place where the sun is silent–his mind.

He knows that it’s better to lock the doors. It’s better to shut the noise of silence that haunts him in his sleep for along with every strand of sound that he hears, came a whisper. A whisper so loud that can shake the walls and ceilings of his head.

Fear is creeping in. He had to stop the screaming. He closed his eyes. He covered his ears. His legs are trembling with every tone. His lips are shivering from the cold and the intangible sight of the unknown.

The door shook. Whatever is outside, it is trying to break in. The locks can’t hold the force of something he cowers to face. Streaks of light comes from the gap of the shaking door from its hinges and it’s starting to reveal his hidden secrets. Slowly being unconcealed by the power from the other side. Transparency is looming above him. Eating the place he crafted using his memories. The air he breathes is starting to diminish. The chilling sensation began to warm itself from the presence of the thing behind the door and it never ceases to try and force his way in.

Despite the sound that could surely echo miles away, he was sure he’s the only one who can hear it. No rescue would come. Just him. Alone. Cold.

Reluctantly, he builds up the courage to stand. With every effort, he tries to shake the feeling of throwing up. His insides are slowly being eaten by the malevolence being inflicted by the mysterious. The floor began to feel like a quicksand. With every step, an inch is given for him to sink into the slime of dirt.

A voice inside his head tells him that he’d never make it. His face will be buried beneath and be forgotten through time. His thoughts start to sink to madness. A type of paranoia that’s unbinding him from death. Letting it glow and light a spark of hope.

And as his eyes go deeper, he caught a faint glimpse of light shower his room. A silhouette of a lady in white sank her hand and grabbed his own. A smile so dazzling he dare not to tell. How she managed to rescue a soul and rest him to his death.